Wide Awake

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Did this ever happen to you? You sleep peacefully and all of a sudden you wake up in the middle of the night and everything feels wrong? You start to doubt every decision from the day. You regret everything. You are going to fail. You will disappoint people. Nothing will work out as planned. Panic. Worry. Your heartbeat is going faster. Stress. Your inner peace is in danger. Your sweet sleep is forgotten. You are paralyzed with fear.

What to do?

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Toxic Perfectionism

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As long as I can remember I thought I am a perfectionist.

I liked getting things done, getting them right and getting recognized for it. I always did my homework in school and university, studied well for every exam and was the “leader” in group work.

But it got to a point where I got problems. I couldn’t hand in my assignments or homework because I thought I could have made a mistake or the assignment wasn’t good. Before an exam I was afraid that I didn’t study enough.

At this point I asked myself why I want to do everything perfectly. It’s not because I genuinely enjoy things being done perfect, but because I fear of not being good enough. I fear of failing and regretting handing in a bad assignment or getting a bad grade. Maybe it would ruin my grade average and my future.

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