It has been a while that I had a “panic attack”. What caused my panic this time?
Simply setting in stone what my boyfriend and I decided on and what I mentioned a couple of times here on my blog. We booked our plane tickets for China.
All of a sudden when I clicked on the “buy” button, I was so scared and damned myself! Why do I have to put myself in so much stress with this whole trip?! I’m so stupid! It will be awful and I will hate everything and everyone! I can’t do it!
These thoughts lastest for about 10 minutes which is a record for me. It already happened that these thoughts kind of paralyzed me for several weeks where I just couldn’t bother with anything.
Saving myself in just a couple minutes acutally really surprised me. That’s it? It’s ok again? I can do it? I thought I will feel bad for a while now.
I may make several steps back (especially this month, I just can’t catch a break, everyday is challenging) but I made a huge step forward in the last 2-3 years. Sometimes in day-to-day life these changes are not really noticeable but every now and then there is a chance to prove yourself and how far you come.
I failed some tests but I passed the final exam!