When I was in my hometown during the holidays, I met my best friends. We know each other since school! One of my friends has trouble in her relationship for so long already (they are a couple since 3,5 years). I don’t want to go into detail but let’s say they fight more than they have “good days”. I am already quite sick of their relationship because they always fight and she cries about him but goes back to him…
Let’s give you an example:
They fight again.
My adive for her: leave him because he is not going to change, you deserve someone better who treats you right.
Her action: she leaves him, he begs to get her back, she goes back to him.
Her justification: you don’t just throw away a 3 year relationship.
Two weeks later: they are again at the verge of breaking up.
Well, I get that you have to work hard for a relationship but at some point you just have to accept the fact that you would be happier without him. I don’t even want to know how often they acutally fight because I am sure that she doesn’t report every fight anymore.
Now I am in a dilemma. She wants advice from me and always complains about him, but she doesn’t consider my advice. I don’t know what to tell her anymore.
In my opinion it is better to make a painful break than draw out the agony. (Besser ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende.)
After this experience I have 5 tips for giving love advice:
1.Remeber that no matter how much your friend tells you, you never 100% know what their relationship is like! Just the two people involved know everything about the relationship. Therefore, be careful when giving advice (especially break-up advice).
2.I always formulate my advice like “If this would happen to me, I would…” because I want the person to make her own decision after thinking about it. I don’t want my advice to sound like an order.
3.Remeber that you get a lot of information about the boyfriend. Probably mostly negative information. I find it important to not have any hard feelings against him when we all meet up. Sometimes that is quite difficult but I don’t want to loose my friend so I have to act as if I like him…
4.I don’t want to sound like I have a perfect relationship but I try to give her some examples from my relationship and show her how we figured problems out. Maybe it will work for my friend too.
5.After all, the best we can do for a friend is beeing there for her!
I am more careful now of giving her advice because I think it is her job now to “wake up” and realize that the relationship is not good for her. But since we are best friends, I still listen to her problems and want to be there for her without judging her.
What do you say when a friend is basically shoveling her own grave and won’t accept your advice? Do you let her shovel until she realizes her mistake?
It is so hard to see her suffer and choosing to suffer!