Today I met Alice to study together and in a break we talked a bit about our relationships. She was previously in a relationship with a guy who was just like her and it made her crazy. (If you don’t know Alice you can read this post.) After two years they broke up. Now she is in a relationship with one of our classmates who is the total opposite of her. When the rumor of their relationship was spreading around, everyone react the same: “Whaaaaat??!! How can they date????”
Alice is a perfectionist, our classmate is pure chaos. She told me that this relationship is a nice and refreshing change.
This got me thinking of my own relationship. My boyfriend and I are also quite opposite of each other. I am anxious, nervous, careful, unspontaneous, easily stressed. He is chaotic, spontaneous, carefree, easy-going, relaxed. I follow rules, he doesn’t care for them.
Sometimes he inspires me to be more relaxed and open-minded. Sometimes he drives me crazy.
A (very) little example (but little things add up): When I want to make some frozen food in the oven, I read the instructions of the meal. Every meal needs different settings of the temperature and cooking duration. The dish turns out fine. When my boyfriend wants to make food in the oven, he never reads the instructions. The food is burned or dry because the temperature was too high or baked too long. But he would never follow any instructions because he knows everything better.
Another example: In the morning he tells me that he spontaneously wants to do a day trip in the region. At first, I don’t want to. I hate the change of plans. I told myself to do certain things today but if I go on a trip, I won’t be able to do it, have to do it later and that makes me nervous. In the end, he convinces me to accompany him and we have a great time. I would have missed out on a lot of things if I didn’t go on the trip.
I have to say that my boyfriend and I have more opposite character traits and hobbies than similar ones. But it still works out. It makes life interesting. You have a glimpse of a life and an influence of a person, you would not have with a similar partner. (Of course, the influence could also be negative.) You maybe argue more or have more misunderstandings but that leads to more conversations and a better understanding of each other. To some degree you have to accept each other but to some degree it is ok to change and be positively influenced.
I think if I would date someone who is just like me, we would make each other crazy. I need someone who calms me down when I’m stressed. I need a little push every now and then to leave my comfort zone, be brave and learn from it.
In the end, we can’t decide who we love and who we fall in love with. Sometimes it is just supposed to be.
What are your experiences? Are you and your partner opposite of each other? Or do you rather date someone more similar?
picture from pixabay.com