I wrote this text on the 4th of July but never published it. You can read it and guess why I didn’t publish it (I’m going to tell you why anyways at the end of this article):
My classmates make me sick!
Recently, I noticed that I am rather stressed by people than the actual work at university. Especially the other students in my class. We are just 10 students in a semester, so I am usually surrounded by the same 10-15 idiots. What is up with them?? Am I just surrounded by overachiever?? Why is everyone such a smarta**?? I feel like everyone I met here in the new city is stressed and anxious which leads to me being stressed and anxious. That was almost never the case in my hometown or at my previous university. Am I just surrounded by people who make me sick?! Why do they have to make other people down to make themselves feel better?! Why don’t you just CHILL!
Whenever I talk with my fellow students I feel down and like a failure. Like I am not worth anything in comparison to them. Being around these people is so toxic to me! But what to do if I have to see them almost every day, work in group projects or work with them part-time at my uni job? These people are so full of themselves that they don’t even realize what they do to other people!
It comes to the point that when class starts at 2 pm I will be in the classroom at 1:59 pm just so I don’t have time talking with them. I don’t want to give them a chance to drag me down.
Studying would be so much easier without these people. My major is already complicated enough (geoscience, a mix of geography and IT, but mostly IT…) but ¾ of the time and of my energy I am just dealing with my classmates, the effect of them on me and building up an emotional wall of protection.
Relax Julia, just one more year and then you are finished with your master’s degree! (And then I am going to meet new a**holes at work. Let’s hope that there are also going to be some decent people.)
Ok this post is going nowhere. Alice (if you don’t know who Alice is then read this post about toxic perfectionism) and other fellow students were driving me crazy today. I got home and couldn’t focus on anything else, so I have to write everything down until I feel better. I am scared to jump at them at one point, so I rather deal with this problem myself. These people are so full of themselves that it wouldn’t make sense to talk with them about their behavior. I always thought that they are too confident but it turns out that they are absolutely not confident but just pretend to be! And I don’t want to pretend anything!
I am getting to easily stressed out and influenced by others.
Everyone is busy pretending to be so great and smart and make other people feel miserable along the way who don’t pretend to be the king of the world. It is actually sad how people affect you and push you to act like someone you are not. If I don’t pretend to be confident in myself, my work and the capability of my brain, they would have broken me already. But pretending won’t last long.
Seems like my way of dealing with these people is not very successful. I am really interested to know how you deal with such people!
And now I have to prepare a presentation for next week.
And can you guess why I didn’t publish this text? I usually never publish something right away after I wrote it. I like to wait and maybe work on it again. But I never looked at this text again.
This text is full of anger, disappointment and frustration.
What is the point of this text?
Releasing my anger.
Is it helping me or anyone else?
Does this text have any message?
Sometimes I hate people.
Is it the message I want people to remember?
Why was it still important to write the text?
I needed to write down my frustration in order to figure out where my problem is. In reality, my problem is not the behavior of my classmates but me. My lack of confidence makes me an easy target. Instead of ignoring their “I am better than you” attitude, I get anxious and stressed. I don’t want to feel that way, so I shouldn’t. I should acknowledge their attitude but don’t let it affect me so immensely.
Why do I publish the text?
My way of dealing with a lot of problems is to ask myself what I can learn from this situation. Instead of focusing on my anger and frustration, I want to ask myself what I can learn from my classmates. That way, I stop overthinking a situation too emotionally and stop turning in a spiral of negative thoughts. This text made me realize that my classmates indirectly teach me to trust in myself and my capabilities. Another example is my previous article of somebody criticizing my appearance.
Overall message to myself: Have more confidence!
Overall message to you: Next time you are frustrated/annoyed/disappointed etc. ask yourself: “What can I learn from this situation/person?” Or “What does this situation/person teach me?”