5 Tips on Moving in with your Partner

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I moved in with my boyfriend in October last year and let me tell you, we had several arguments since then. Before we moved together, we were a couple for about 2.5 years. I lived at my parents’ house and he lived by himself in a shared apartment. Now we study at the same university at the other side of Germany and live together in a two-room apartment.

So far so good.

And now the reality of living together with somebody kicks in. Since living together I know that a relationship is work.

You think you know each other, but you actually just really know a person if you live together.

Here are some tips for not killing your partner in the first month of living together:

1. Make sure to have “couple time”

(I know what you think but I couldn’t come up with a better term)

When we moved together I felt that we don’t really spend quality time together. We sit beside each other when we study, we talk about organization of the household, we ask what we should eat for dinner. But that is not quality time. I don’t feel like I actually spend time with my boyfriend. I somehow missed my boyfriend although he was standing beside me. Before, when we met on a date it was obvious that a date was “couple-time” but now the border between “couple time” and “organization-time/everyday life” became blurred.

As a result, we make sure to announce “couple time”. When we watch TV together we say: “Now is cuddle time”. When we have dinner together, we say: “Now is date time”. That way we realize that we just focus on us as a couple in this specific situation. Don’t forget to spend quality time with your partner despite everyday life!

2. Understand that your partner has his/her own way of doing things

When we started living together, we naturally continued with our everyday life routine. I did laundry/dishes/cooking like I was used to at home and the same for him. We often had arguments because we wanted to do things our way and what the other person did was wrong. But with this mindset you can already say goodbye to your partner because you are not going to have a harmonic time together. 10 months later, we still do some things the way we are used to but we also developed our new routine together and accept the other person way of doing things.

3. Give each other space

When my boyfriend comes home he wants to talk to me and cuddle and annoy me and say happened today. When I come home I want food and my couch. We compromise and first talk a little, then I can relax (have me-time) and afterwards we can spend time together. Don’t force yourself on your partner. Just because you live together doesn’t mean that you have to spend 24/7 together.

You are still individual people with your own hobbies and group of friends.

It is also important to give each other space when you are mad at each other. Before regretting my words in an argument, I go to another room and cool down. Afterwards, we come together and talk about our problem. That way we avoid additional unnecessary confrontations.

4. Compromise

Oh boy, I think I had never done so many compromises before in my life as in the last 10 months. You basically have to compromise on everything. I became kind of compromise-lazy and just don’t care anymore. Do I want A or B? Don’t care, YOU just pick one. Do I want to eat noodles or potatoes? Don’t care, what do YOU want to eat? Should or bathroom smell like ocean or lemon? Don’t care, what do YOU prefer? I don’t want to discuss everything. These little things don’t matter.

5. Don’t take everything so seriously

Your partner is not your enemy. He doesn’t purposly hurt you. He just doesn’t know what annoys you (and he doesn’t think about what he is actually doing). It happened that my boyfriend did something, bought something or said something where I thought: “How can I be with such a person?! How should I get used to it?”

I got upset because of little things that actually don’t really matter. I questioned our relationship because of little differences. But these little differences added up and annoyed me. Truth is, you just have to expect these differences when moving together. As long as it’s not a huge game changing difference, you will get used to it with time. And you will get used to the fact that there are always going to be differences since you are two people with their own minds and preferences. Don’t get mad every time you face a problem. Chances are you will be mad 24/7 and that doesn’t sound like a loving and warm home.

When you encounter a difference, don’t think: “Ah why is he doing this? That is so stupid!”. Rather think: “Ok we have a different opinion. Let’s talk about it and figure out a satisfying solution for both of us!”.

After all, you are a family!

These are my tips for now. Do you have any additional tips? Feel free to comment them down below!

Read more about our international relationship here!

P.S.: Body odors and noises are completely normal. Get used to it. Our bathroom walls are pretty thin.

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16 thoughts on “5 Tips on Moving in with your Partner

  1. Ich mag es wie du schreibst und vorallem auch was du schreibst! Soviel Wahres und Wichtiges 🙂 Gerade Punkt 1 und Punkt 2 sind so wichtig, und leider vergisst man das teilweise.
    Auch wenn mein Schul-Englisch-LK 9 Jahre zurückliegt und ich seitdem kaum noch mein erlerntes Englisch gebrauche verstehe ich Gott sei Dank beim Lesen noch alles 😉 schreiben möchte ich dir allerdings so nicht mehr 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Danke! Ja besonders Punkt 1 war wichtig für mich. Eigentlich sehen mein Freund und ich uns jeden Tag, aber irgendwie doch nicht. Das kann ja auch nicht der Sinn vom Zusammenziehen sein!
      Kein Problem wegen Deutsch oder Englisch:) Ich hab im Alltag noch viel mit Englisch zu tun, aber weil ich es auch nicht vergessen will schreibe ich alle Beiträge auf Englisch. Übung macht den Meister 😉

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      • Ja, ich weiß was du meinst. Wir leben seit über drei Jahren zusammen und doch manchmal nur nebeneinander … Es müssen halt auch beide dabei sein. 😉 manchmal leichter gesagt als getan!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Reality of an International / Binational Relationship | life as julia

  3. Ich ziehe auch im kommenden Jahr mit meinem Freund zusammen 🙂 ich werde mir auf jeden fall ein paar Tipps hinter die Ohren schreiben ;D liebst mel

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hayhay! Sehr schöner Post. Bei mir liegt es jetzt ca. 8/9 Jahre zurück, dass ich mit meinem Freund zusammengezogen bin und ich kann nur sagen – ich erkenne uns immernoch zwischen deinen Zeilen 😀 Nr.3 ist definitiv meine Nr.1. Da ich später heimkomme, hat mein Freund natürlich bereits Zeit für sich gehabt und ist sehr gesprächsfreudig. Es hat recht lange gedauert bis ich meine Ruhephase durchgeboxt hatte. Die Kompromisse gehen heute etwas geschmeidiger über die Bühne, allerdings hatten wir bei Nr. 4 irgendwann das Problem der Entscheidungsunwilligkeit bzw. auch die wer-entscheidet-was-und-wieviel-Gefahr (obwohl es um Kleinigkeiten ging), aber das ist sicher einfach typabhängig.
    Love Nr.5 Don’t take everthing so seriously! Es sind immer kleine Welten, die aufeinander treffen. Grüßle

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  5. Definitely needed to read this post since this will be a new transition for me in the next few months. It’s nerve-racking because I’ve never lived with someone who was not related to me, but it’s an important step in relationships. Thanks, I will be referring back to this post in the future.

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  6. I love your post 💜! I can really identify with some points! Me and my boyfriend moved together in April and sometimes he is driving me nuts 😆! I think especially point 1 is very important and often neglected (and yes, I did understand it right 😋)! We could definitely work on this one..
    Thank you for sharing your very private thoughts on this topic 💐

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I was married for 18 years and shortly after the divorce in another relationship for 13 years. We tried hard and “worked” but it never worked out. I loose myself in love-relationships, cannot feel my borders and this makes me grumpy and angry. I am so tired of working on relationships. Now that I live for myself I can enjoy the inner and outer peace everyday. At the moment I can not even imagine a distance weekend relationship. But this is me. I have to accept that. I did not fail. I tried my best and more and it was too much.
    I married on the age of 21 and there were no blogs like this, few silly books and BRAVO 🙂 we knew nothing. you are so advanced! I wish you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: 5 Cultural Differences between China and Germany | life as julia

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