This post is a little update about what happened this week and what I learned from it.
This week was physically not easy for me. On Monday and Tuesday I had a course which required attendance (from morning till evening) and I had a graded presentation on Tuesday. But it was so hot and humid on Monday that I felt like I would faint. I was sitting in class and “listening” to other presentations but the whole time I was busy not to collapse. I couldn’t think, I was nauseous, my legs and arms were shaking, I felt dizzy, I had to hold my head up with my hands since it was too heavy. It was so stuffy in the room…
But I didn’t want to say a word.
I didn’t want to draw attention to my “weakness”. I wanted to hang on for about 4 more hours before I could somehow go home without calling an ambulance. In the break I went to the bathroom to calm my blood circulation with some cold water on my arms and neck. I was so scared that I would actually collapse if I would get up from my chair. I drank a lot of water but it didn’t work.
An hour later in the next break I couldn’t hold in anymore. I accompanied Alice to the bathroom (how girls usually do) and broke out in tears. I was so exhausted. I was fighting against my body for several hours and lost the battle. Alice told a teacher about my condition and she immediately told me that I should not have tortured myself for so long. She took me to another room where I could lay down, drink coke (to intake some sugar) and relax until I was able to walk home. Everybody was really nice and understanding to me since everybody had a difficult time because of the weather.
When I got home, my body didn’t need to control itself anymore and I fainted.
It has been a while that I felt so weak. I was basically done for the day. But I had my presentation on the next day. So I had to pull myself together and hold my presentation somehow. It wasn’t my best presentation but since my teachers knew of my condition and advised me to go home after my presentation, they hopefully consider it when grading my performance. Afterwards I left again.
In the end (five days later), I know I was foolish. I should have listened to my body and my health should be priority no. 1. But I wanted to be a good student and not be known as the fainting girl with the weak body. I didn’t want to allow a weakness and discipline my body. I was disappointed in myself because I was healthy all semester but when my body had to function, it didn’t. I couldn’t control myself. I shouldn’t torture myself and think that everybody expects me to torture myself. Even the teachers told me I could have left earlier. I (again) wanted to be perfect.
I think I learned my lesson this week.
Have you ever been in such a situation? How did you react? How did the other people react?
P.S.: If anyone is interested: I had major headaches (migraine?) on Wednesday and was in bed all day. Thursday was a little better and now (Friday) I am quite fine.